Is it weird that I have no vivid memories from my childhood?

When did I get older?

I feel like a speck in a vast ocean of nothing.

The currents of time are violent to me. Pulling me down. Drowning me. Choking me.

I have something I want to say, but it is stuck in my throat. It is also chocking me. I am unable to gasp for air.

My heart rate slows. Each beat echoes my longing for you. Every pause longs for the next beat. My blood wishes it was boiling I wish I was angry I hope this sadness does not find its way to you.

I'm swallowing water, trying to spit this sentence out.